Nonetheless, the fears continue to chase me. But I feel their presence a little less these days. Or better yet, I now feel confident enough to tackle those fears single handed, armed with the weapon that is self confidence.
“I hate rain!”. I stated quite blatantly as the steady downpour dampened my voice. The person on the other end of the phone exclaimed in disbelief. Quite obviously so. For I myself is yet to see atleast one person in a group of five who doesn’t hold the mystifying physiology of earth, that is rain, close to his or her heart. He went onto dissect in fervor the many pros of rain and how it pacified him, refreshing his body and soul, while i blabbered on the many cons like how a rainy day created a havoc in my life, especially when it announced its entry early in the mornings while i am all dressed up neatly for a fresh beginning.
Settling down after the call with a hot mug of tea, the aroma of which insinuated deep reviving my senses , I let my thoughts munch softly on the many vagaries that lurked in and out of my life. There has been a perplexing aura harrowing my mind for the past one year. The kind of disturbing feeling that one gets before embarking on something productive yet risky. The thought of doing the same seems enthralling yet instills fear at the same time. Ever felt that way? I am quite sure everybody has at some point or the other in their lives.
But having to experience the same on every other day would be not so much of a cake walk, would it? Being someone sailing towards the goal of being a surgeon, I have been having an experience of such sort to uphold for the past one year. Or atleast for a few months at the start of my postgraduate journey.
Deftly handling a person lying infront of you on the surgery table the right way isn’t easy. Infact it would be the scariest thing anyone could confront. In the focused race to grab a precious P.G seat and to satiate my hunger to delve deeper into any one of the stupendous surgical fields of medicine, less did I anticipate the many hurdles I need to jump past in the seemingly glorious journey that welcomed me.
Every theatre day felt like a distressing event to me in the beginning . And before long, my decision to take up a surgical field had started morphing into an irrevocable mistake to me, bogging me down. Though I could conjure up the courage to perform the surgeries in the same way as my teachers taught me, the thought of standing beside the surgery table waiting to paint and drape the patient as the anesthesiologist skillfully induced the patient, pricked my conscious being like nothing else.
But then, things changed. One surgery down. Two surgeries down. Ten surgeries down. The fears surprisingly got dampened in the strength offered by the many days of practice. And one fine day, while glowing in the joy of having had a fruitful day in hospital, an age old nugget dawned on me, making me glow brighter. ‘Practice makes perfect’.Quite truly so. A revelation hit me with an unprecedented rush then that with each attempt of a seemingly difficult duty, be it a surgery or anything else that we encounter in daily life, eventually the same poses threats of lighter intensity than it had in the start. You just need to be brave enough to believe this fact so that you would actually go out there and try without shunning the cues. And moreover, have faith in yourself.
The heavy downpour has mellowed down to a steady drizzle now. The green leaves outside my window seem playing around with the refreshing beads of rain before letting them down to sink deep into the mud. The air is pregnant with the rejuvenating and nascent smell that emanated from the earth,parched for long in the hot sultry days that went by.
Having finished my tea, I plunge onto the sofa with a favourite book in hand to devour the same next. A thought crosses my mind as to what made me reminisce about my life all of a sudden. Maybe rain did the trick.So is rain all that bad as I had supposed it to be? Second thoughts quickly give way to an answer in negative and i smile effortlessly at the same.Mentally making a note to shout out the change of mind to the person with whom i had that enlightening conversation, i shift my focus onto the book which showers a scent second best to none.