So, there has not been much going on in the professional front. Owing to certain chaos and shackles at the administration level, work is now progressing at a sluggish pace. Speaking of work, it amazes me at this moment when I ponder over the amount of time one spends at one’s work place. For most of us, life comprises proudly of two terrains- Family and work. And so also, it wouldn’t be ornamental or in any wee bit way overwhelming if I say that the atmosphere at work is almost as important for a sane and content life, as the placidity that prevails in the innards of a happy family.
There have been times in my past, when there existed utter pandemonium in the deepest pockets of my mind, for matters concerning the sheer sanctity of my existence. It is no point to be bewildered at, I am aware, for life, as we all know, is not a bed of roses ( Clichés turned clichés for a reason). And at those times when one is prompted to sit up straight, foreseeing the ride to soon be rolling haphazardly through bumpy realms, there ought to be a silver lining that shines through the thickest of fog to help us through. Life would invariably turn a hopeless black hole otherwise, wouldn’t it? It scares me to even think of a situation when life would go completely distraught sans a safety line to hold onto.
‘Tighten the seat belt, will you?!’ The wary mind calls out frantically almost instantly as a reflex in those circumstances. What if there was no seat belt to hold you in position? Would you turn insane or chirp away happily to the one seated next to you, accepting the truth that your end has come?
I am not talking about silver linings or being hopeful in general. More precisely, I want to write down here gaily about the impact my job had in my life. Yes, the seat belt I was referring to would be my enriching time at work that indirectly and unknowingly sprinkled me with glitters of peace during the most harrowing of times.
It is as if, I step out a different version of me every morning when I go out for work. It has been like that ever since I could remember; whether it was school, college or presently, work. The issues that would trouble me the entire night are flipped out the window, the moment the friendly gales of companionship and productivity brush against me, the next day, at work. This is not the first time that I have found myself ruminating on the phenomenon. Admittedly, it does feel like an ordeal to wake up in the morning when your mind feels smothered by the harsh, dirty cloth of reality. But once the hardest part of sliding that bed spread away from me is done, the whole process turns relatively less hard. No, it is not like we party away at work or sit for hours filling each other on the turning points in our lives. On the contrary, work is as grave as it can get ( I am a doctor).
Hectic schedule, less time to brood. Could that be the reason? Perhaps.
Amiable colleagues. Sense of togetherness when tackling similar circumstances? Likely too.
I speculate that the sense of depression has more to do with the fact that we turn aggressively pessimist for whatever reason that pushed us down the abyss in the first place. I have read somewhere that if hit with an adversity, instead of hurrying through the phase, it is better to sink in the sorrow, to let despair take a trip through the channels of your body, till that day, when you feel confident that it can’t affect you more. There is a point there too. The aforesaid is what one is tempted to make oneself go through, undoubtedly, in times of misery. To sleep for hours or days at a stretch, to not talk to anyone, to cry silently in to the pillow, to reminisce on the better days of our life, the list is unfortunately endless. But then that has to end one day too, shouldn’t it? The sooner the better.
I am not a person who usually pours my heart out to someone about my worries. I would rather have it buried in me than be spilled in the open. Yes, writing helps a lot too. But for reasons stated above, I wouldn’t be writing about my problems as such. I need something to silently pull me out of the abysmal pit. It used to be music a few years back. But then, somehow, the charm that music enjoyed in my analysis ebbed away slowly. Reading offers company for a good many hours. But would I pick up a book, when my eyes well up every few seconds? I think not. I prefer reading books when I am at peace with myself.
Being with my dear ones would definitely be the first thing I do when struck by a problem. But I have realised over time that they can only lend their hands to help me out of the rubble. The rest is up to me. It is I who ought to drag my way out with their help. I feel good when comforted by my parents or my friends. But finally, it is I who should nudge me to walk out and do something about it. And my secret remedy for the same comes in the guise of my job. No, I don’t let it devour me wholly, like they say in books. Nor do I discard the presence of my family for the intoxication of work. Family matters the most and it shall be so forever. I am stressing here about the time after the initial distressing period, when one realises that life is not over yet. One is left, more often than not, staring in to the horizon, muttering the question, “What next?” and that is when having something to do with your life to keep it engaged helps.
Specifically, I assume it is the feeling of being alive that nourishes the soul in me during those days. If I didn’t have such a rewarding job it could have been anything else. Anything rejuvenating. Anything that would let the wind blow against my face. Anything other than being bogged down for hours. Excercise, out door games, long drives, doing something productive, going on a small trip with your dear ones – All these have come to my rescue at one time or the other. They offer temporary solace, acting to set me kicking. But after that, it is mostly by being indulged in my work that I find a healthy, almost permanent respite.
Writing, work, gardening, taking care of your baby, cooking, cleaning – Whatever it be for you, the key is to keep sustaining. To keep afloat. To not let your soul sink. To surround you with positivity. To observe the doors of recovery swarm around you, egging you to open it every time.
Before I wind up this post, let me take a moment and ask you, “What would you do in in similar scenarios? Is there a secret remedy to misery for you too?”
P.S: This post is tagged with ‘Mid Week Quests’, a sub section of this blog where I write on a Wednesday, about random nuggets from my life .