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How Anxious Am I? – Bits From Life

anxiety-charlie-brownAnxiety has been an undeniable part of me since I could remember. Not simply anxiety, timidity too had been an indomitable part of my inner self during my child hood days. I was never among the many cherubic faces that one sees in a class room who pass their time, sharing anecdotes with their friends during the small recess between classes, nor would have been my behaviour be reminiscent of the cheerful girl, with a twinkle in her eyes any time of the day, who converse with her teachers sans fear or diffidence. I never jumped up to grab any opportunity that flung past me. I never laughed my heart out when my friend passed a subtle joke, for my soul would be brimming with fleeting thoughts about the following class when the particular teacher who had a thing for unabashedly scolding the students who failed to snatch the arrows of questions she aimed at them and gulp it down, only to be dissected and digested in a matter for few seconds to be handed back to her in the form of burps wrapped in the astute solutions.

College life saw gleams of hope appearing at the razor sharp edges of my otherwise lustreless life, submerged in the vile tantrums of my frantic mind. The main factor, I deduce which brought the much appreciable change in me was the fact that I managed to sit down and contemplate the many facets of my personality. Somewhere on the path to realisation, my eyes and mind caught hold on the implicit loop holes of the formidable mirage life was shrewdly suspending before me, on every turn of my life. I decided to socialise with my friends, rather than simply sharing talks with them when I needed a favour from them and not otherwise. I learnt to observe people. I realised thereby that each person was endowed with both strong and flawed characters of their own, like our lives which were intertwined with prosperity and adversity. There is no escaping the warm or sour clutches of life, but there sure is a way of thwarting the screams of one’s own inner being, as taught to me by the many observations I made around me and by the many conversations I had with people around me. Each person finds his or her own way of dealing with the struggles of their being, be it anxiety, depression, lack of confidence or phobias; they need to if they need to survive this life with a smile on their face.

Once the cause is sought out, the next inevitable step ought to be problem solution. I resolved to modes by which I could divert the ramblings of my apprehensive soul, writing being the most imminent one. I tried to read a lot, learn a lot as part of the process. I tried to be more active in the present, rather than fretting about the future. I tried to not let wandering thoughts about specific matters, well armed with weapons to trigger yet another episode of anxiety, overpower me. I realised during the process that it was never easy to fight the demons of one’s self mostly acquired since birth. I even started to line my thoughts such that I could take advantage of the same for my own personal growth. And that was when it struck me that when let inside in moderate amounts, anxiety can be a powerful tool to propel one towards success too. Months passed by, encouraging me with soft nudges and even loud applauses at times, serving witnesses to my war against the magnum opponent, upto this moment in time. As I write this, I cannot proclaim that I have discovered an antidote to anxiety, but I sure can state proudly that I have powered my way through the same to reach a state where my logic and reasoning would paralyse the same tight in their reins.

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20 thoughts on “How Anxious Am I? – Bits From Life”

  1. Anxiety can steal from us, that’s for sure. I agree with you that writing is a very therapeutic exercise. I tend to write more when I’m depressed or anxious actually. Healing happens when we get it out! Great perspective!

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  2. We are who we are, full of things that are black and white both, and it is this combination of things that make us unique and give us an identity. Thank you for sharing aspects of this unique identity with us, through your posts and your other writing. You sound very happy after learning to express yourself through your writing. I can relate to your personality very closely, as I too started out with somewhat similar leanings. Of course, life changes one to be very different at different stages and I’m discovering new things about myself now that didn’t occur to me earlier. Loved your post, Maliny.

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    1. Thank you so much for your words, Esha. Your thoughts strike a chord with me everytime and that is why I keep coming back to your blog. And as you said, one ought to keep learning from one’s life as it progresses from one stage to another. We will be surprised at how much it can teach us in the process

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      1. Likewise, I too enjoy reading your posts, Maliny! Your blog is a wonderful place and I really enjoy your writing style. It’s amazing how beautifully you craft words and string together those lovely posts. Keep them coming and do keep sharing. Life and writing both teach us some of the most awe-inspiring lessons, don’t they?

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        1. I am grateful to you for encouraging me to write more and more. I can truly say that your writing inspires me too 🙂 And yes, both life and writing teach us fabulous lessons in their own inimitable ways. Rightly put!

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  3. Maliny loved this beautiful post trailing your voyage and trysts with anxiety, something that so many of us can relate to. I do wish part of childhood curriculum insisted on developing better communication skills and dealing with anxiety. You are right when you say, anxiety in small doses does trigger better performances! Fab post!

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    1. I agree with you on the part the development of communication skills during school days. In my school days, not much focus was made on that part of human personality development and it was mostly, academics and sports. Debate competitions were a rarety in my school, although it was a convent school. Certain students excelled in eloctution and public speaking and they were sought after every time for major competitions, without projecting the need for driving more and more students into it. Things need to change.

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        1. I am doing good too, Alok. Thank you 🙂

          Yes. I was an infrequent instagrammer, but now seem to have got around many aspects of it and have started enjoying it too 🙂 Shall see you there. I love your photographs. It makes me want to visit all of those places sometime in my life. Keep exploring!

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  4. I have always felt the connect between us and this post further tells why. Having started with a similar journey of being the quietest girl in the class in school, never raising the hand or speaking up unless asked by the teachers specifically in spite of knowing all the answers everytime because of anxiety, I saw my reflection in your lines. I was the epitome of silence, such that whenever the whole class received punishment to stand with hands raised either with legs planted on the floor or on the benches, I was the only child whom every teacher made to sit down within a minute of the punishment time starting because all of them knew I never talked. The other children must have envied me but they had fun of their own and I had mine in silence. On a serious note, it is true as we grow older, life teaches the required the lessons of overcoming anxiety, fear, depressing thoughts and other negative emotions. I would like to see you around here a lot as I love to read your personal stories and share mine too 😀

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    1. I am late to reply, Anamika. But I am glad I could come back to your story. Life teaches us in ways we never thought it would, doesn’t it? I love your personal stories a lot and I keep coming back to your blog for more everytime, although I may not comment always. Keep writing. And thank you so much for reading me 🙂

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  5. Agree Maliny. Writing is fun and an inseparable part for me. There are times, so many, that I want to just write random nothings. Also, I would want to add, your writing style is brilliant 🙂 I love how you put down thoughts chaining words 🙂
    (Have read just a few of your work though fb. Will be reading here a lot 🙂 ) Keep writing. Cheers.

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    1. Thank you so much! The comment ought to have made my day long back, but I happened to revisit my blog just today. I am not complaining. It has brightened up my Sunday to many folds 🙂 I would love to see you here often. I would love to visit your blog too, which I shall. Have a great day ahead 🙂

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