Anxiety has been an undeniable part of me since I could remember. Not simply anxiety, timidity too had been an indomitable part of my inner self during my child hood days. I was never among the many cherubic faces that one sees in a class room who pass their time, sharing anecdotes with their friends during the small recess between classes, nor would have been my behaviour be reminiscent of the cheerful girl, with a twinkle in her eyes any time of the day, who converse with her teachers sans fear or diffidence. I never jumped up to grab any opportunity that flung past me. I never laughed my heart out when my friend passed a subtle joke, for my soul would be brimming with fleeting thoughts about the following class when the particular teacher who had a thing for unabashedly scolding the students who failed to snatch the arrows of questions she aimed at them and gulp it down, only to be dissected and digested in a matter for few seconds to be handed back to her in the form of burps wrapped in the astute solutions.
College life saw gleams of hope appearing at the razor sharp edges of my otherwise lustreless life, submerged in the vile tantrums of my frantic mind. The main factor, I deduce which brought the much appreciable change in me was the fact that I managed to sit down and contemplate the many facets of my personality. Somewhere on the path to realisation, my eyes and mind caught hold on the implicit loop holes of the formidable mirage life was shrewdly suspending before me, on every turn of my life. I decided to socialise with my friends, rather than simply sharing talks with them when I needed a favour from them and not otherwise. I learnt to observe people. I realised thereby that each person was endowed with both strong and flawed characters of their own, like our lives which were intertwined with prosperity and adversity. There is no escaping the warm or sour clutches of life, but there sure is a way of thwarting the screams of one’s own inner being, as taught to me by the many observations I made around me and by the many conversations I had with people around me. Each person finds his or her own way of dealing with the struggles of their being, be it anxiety, depression, lack of confidence or phobias; they need to if they need to survive this life with a smile on their face.
Once the cause is sought out, the next inevitable step ought to be problem solution. I resolved to modes by which I could divert the ramblings of my apprehensive soul, writing being the most imminent one. I tried to read a lot, learn a lot as part of the process. I tried to be more active in the present, rather than fretting about the future. I tried to not let wandering thoughts about specific matters, well armed with weapons to trigger yet another episode of anxiety, overpower me. I realised during the process that it was never easy to fight the demons of one’s self mostly acquired since birth. I even started to line my thoughts such that I could take advantage of the same for my own personal growth. And that was when it struck me that when let inside in moderate amounts, anxiety can be a powerful tool to propel one towards success too. Months passed by, encouraging me with soft nudges and even loud applauses at times, serving witnesses to my war against the magnum opponent, upto this moment in time. As I write this, I cannot proclaim that I have discovered an antidote to anxiety, but I sure can state proudly that I have powered my way through the same to reach a state where my logic and reasoning would paralyse the same tight in their reins.