I Am Not Done, I will never be – Bits From Life

 

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03-03-2017:

Be happy. Be smiling. Nothing can go wrong if you stay so. There is nothing for which you can’t find a solution. Whatever happens, you will definitely rise to the occasion then. So why worry unnecessarily now? Go out and have a fabulous day today.

08-03-2017:

Human beings are bound to be uninspired once in a while. I have been going through such a phase for a few weeks now. I have been seeking modes too to scrub free the irksome moss from my mind, but have failed miserably. Today, whether I liked it or not, even if I wanted it or not, I decided to start reading a book on kindle and was absorbed in it to the length that I wasn’t willing to pull myself up from the bed to turn on the lights when it grew dark. Well, that is a good sign, I believe.

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The first account was taken from my diary and was jotted down one morning before I went to the hospital. And the second account was written by me on my Facebook page on the 8th of March.

What does it mean to say that a doctor has had a fabulous day? It could be anything – like treating the patients well, operating a case to perfection would be the ones to fly off from the top of my head, if you had asked me this questions a few days back. When these still remain the best modes to achieve a fulfilling day for me, these days, for the same reason I have made it my word of the year, I concentrate on engaging in beautiful moments with my colleagues and friends too.  

Yet, somewhere, someday a few weeks back, I felt the dark claws of melancholy encroaching me, and that too for no particular reason. I consider despair and hollowness the utmost depressing pair. It hurts when one is devoid of the answer to one’s own heartache. You are left stranded in the dark, alone, lifeless and vapid, when the world moves around you, racy, unstoppable, passionate and most importantly with a purpose. 

I wrote down a few quarter year resolutions for this year in my previous post, which I thought would offer me a purpose. I believe that was the best decision I have made in this year. It did give me a purpose and I exercise whenever I find time and drink gallons of water during the working hours! I have started reading books back to back and right now, I am reading ‘His Bloody project: Documents relating to the case of Roderick Macrae’ by  Graeme Macrae Burnet,  which is a partly fictitious/ partly documented memoir of a killer which he writes from prison, but imaginatively penned by the novelist. I have only reached a mere 100 pages, but I would already recommend this book to any lover of words. 

Writing this blog post too has a purpose. To ease me out of the vacuum I feel myself trapped in. I am not entirely out of the quagmire, but I feel I could pull myself out of it anytime in the coming days with the effort I am putting into the situation. Perhaps, it has to do with the fact that I am sober and alone for a considerable part of the week. Perhaps, I am someone who yearns for a good company most times of the day. Perhaps, I am someone who loves her few moments of solitude, but find it quintessential that I have few hands to clasp on to during the other times. Talking to my dear and near ones over phone does help to some extent, but that is not all. I desire dear ones to return back to at the end of the day, which being in hostel I am not entitled to. 

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Image Courtsey – Here

I have always considered myself an introvert and was proud of the same as long as I could remember. Would a human’s personality change during the course of his/her life? This whole post could merely be my alter ego talking even. Still one fact is bound to remain true. Whether I am with my favourite ones or not, being with other people, sharing talks with them, listening to their stories and telling mine sure lift my spirit and it is definitely something I am going to look forward to for the rest of my life.

Before you leave, help me out here, will you? Have you felt drained for a few days or weeks at a stretch? What do you do then?

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12 thoughts on “I Am Not Done, I will never be – Bits From Life

  1. Hi there… Know that you are not alone… Love and Hugs… Hope you get through this phase well…
    I try listening to music, and yes writing helps… And also yes, talking at length with my loved ones over the phone about deeper subjects that matter… And once in a while I just let it be, sleep, work, binge watch my favourite sitcoms, eat, seek comfort of my cozy corner, knowing that this feeling will pass… Better mood will come home soon….

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  2. Please let me try to assure you that you are not alone. Exercise helps tremendously. Being out in the sun (when it comes out; I do not live in a sunny clime) helps. Writing can be a double edged sword – in fact, a good therapist I saw once recommended that I not journal – but reading certain types of books does help, also.

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  3. Hey this is not th first time you’ll feel alone and nor are you the first person to feel such emptiness. On days like this I either get my hair cut or watch a silly romantic comedy. Try it

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  4. In such situations, I find talking my heart out (to someone close to me) really helps. Exercise helps tremendously to counter these feelings and I am now seeing how much yoga is helping me too to combat moodiness and melancholy. I must tell you, that you are not alone in this…many of us are routinely in such a position and we still have to carry on with our lives. If you ever wish to unburden or share something feel free to call/msg/text me…I hope this feeling passes away soon. Hugs

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  5. I believe that human personality change over time. I was an introvert and used to think that I could manage without anyone around… I still can but then the lack of company would probably drive me crazy 😀 And it’s alright to feel that way because we are only humans. I realized that talking helps a lot… Voicing out all the emotions to someone willing to listen clears out all the backlogs in the head.
    You have one of the most beautiful and innocent smiles… You should smile more often 😊

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  6. I am feeling quite in the same boat at the moment. I also know the reason why an overload of things which precipitated at the same time! I am taking it one day at a time as I cant handle it all at once; my expereince also says that some stuff gets resolved on its own, without any intervention…. so going easy on myself and asking for help when I need it – these are my two things to handle stuff!!

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  7. That feeling is not alien to me at all Maliny. I think we all go through it and it comes unexpectedly, suddenly to ruin a good day. The only way that can help is to tell yourself that it will pass. Busy yourself in things you love or else give back to those who need. Sometimes, others’ pain acts as a balm making us realize the folly of our thoughts.

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  8. Hope in this case all women are in the same boat. We all come across this very often, I would suggest you to talk to any one of your loved person on an general topic, so that you would get your mood little diverted.

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  9. It was wonderful reading your blog.Its true sometimes things don’t go the way we want which leads to disappointment and depression.Its ok to be sad but not for a long time because sadness takes over you.Thats the power of negativity .Its addictive like alcohol .Instead talk it over,cry it out even if its onto your pillow, scream for once at someone who will understand and look around for a minute.There are many in worse situations than you.Then you will get your crutch to move on.Hope you are out of it now.

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  10. It’s normal to feel drained and tired on some days, for no specific reason. I try to unwind on those days, doing the things that I love, and trying not to worry much unnecessarily 🙂

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  11. I feel this kind of drained hopeless feelings every once in a while too, Maliny. Some days are too dreadful for no reason. The good part once I’m out of it I get to feel refreshed and rejuvenated feeling with a renewed energy. Then there those days I woke up with happiness and hope for no particular reason too. I try to write or do some doodling to help with the hopeless feeling. Going for walk or trying to learn something also helps me. I’m sneaking in a little time to learn French now. Take care of yourself, dear.

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